I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
