Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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