and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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