It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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