Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
