You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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