the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
