Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
