I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
