Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
