WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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