He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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