Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
