idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
