weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
