guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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