I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
