Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
