please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
