he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
