Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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