I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You're like the curious george of whores
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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