Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We left the knife in your bed.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
