I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
3 2 1 whiskey
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
