I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
