So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
