Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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