She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
