so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My dick has a subreddit
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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