i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
