I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
