You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
