i wish starbucks made bloody marys
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
