Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
