Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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