Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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