john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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