doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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