"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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