i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i drank out of a bidet.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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