he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
