i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
