I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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