Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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