i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
