What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
