I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
