Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
