lets start a swedish sibling band together
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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