remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
