We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
