Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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