I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
